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“Games Lawyers Play” and “Especially Heinous”
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From the pages of Jan B. Tucker’s
“Games Lawyers Play”
“When a friend a mine was busted on a trumped up felony charge he wound up in the court of one of those judges. I rushed the first edition of this chapter into publication and gave out copies to the lawyers who were regulars in his department. I knew full well that they’d go right to the first judge they could find and ask for their opinion about which judges I might be alluding to. A week later all charges were miraculously dismissed without explanation.”
“The next governor’s bag-man successor in the scheme of things was known as ‘the judge-maker.’ He had a personal obsession of wanting a male grandchild to be produced by his only daughter, and among other things, promised a free judgeship to anybody who could get her pregnant with a boy. He got one guy appointed who was so incompetent that he once denied a criminal defendant the right to testify on his own behalf on the grounds that his testimony would be ‘self-serving.’”
“Definition: Malpizzance: that combined form of Malpractice and Malfeasance in which an attorney solicits his innocent client to commit crimes in order to pay his or her legal bills.”
From the pages of:
Especially Heinous:
Twisted Sex Crimes from the Pages of the Detective’s Diary
By Jan B. Tucker
“After they sounded me out as the new guy, one of them says to me, ‘hey Tucker. If you want a good laugh, go up to Andres, the supervisor, and ask him if he likes to fuck donkeys.’”
“If there was ever a concentration of sexually dysfunctional and perverse people in the world that came together in one organization, it was amongst the board members of the Jewish Defense League (JDL).”
“According to Mr. K, two weeks later she came over for another session with Uzi. This time, they put thick socks over his paws to keep him from tearing up her back.”
“Irv’s sex life with his wife, Shelley, came to a halt when they had a falling out over whether or not to have a second child. Shelley wanted one and Irv didn’t. Shelley refused to have sex unless it was for procreation. This went on for several years.”
“Well, I was about to ask for $50, but it’s lucky I kept my mouth shut,” he said. “He peels off five $100 bills and thanks me for my services.”
“please Mistress! Don’t tell anybody. I’ll lose my job. Don’t worry. I’ll make sure the file gets lost.”
“Important note: he did this procedure to himself without anesthesia.”
“…it really does not help your defense to show that within an approximate half-hour period you were across the street from the scene of a rape peeing in a bottle for your parole agent.”
“Judge Morrow was way too sane to permit that to occur, but unfortunately not all jurists in California are sane.”
“I get a call from a lawyer friend of mine. He wants me to serve a lawsuit for wrongful death on a defendant. I assume it’s a typical traffic accident case but he explains, ‘he fucked her to death!’”
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